The First Trimester

This is one of the easiest parts of the adoption.  Usually there is much more excitement than stress going on as you are finally getting on with your family plan.  Here is a list of processes that will occur during this time:

1. The Intake Meeting: This is the meeting between you and the facilitator/agency or attorney.  This is when the application is completed and plans are made as to what type of adoption you are looking for.  
2. The Home Study: The purpose of a home study is to educate and prepare the adoptive family for the process of adoption, to gather information from the adoptive parents that will assist in matching a family with a child whose needs they can meet and to evaluate the “fitness” of the adoptive family.  This part of the process begins with a lot of paperwork  (which really isn’t that bad).  Criminal and driving record checks will be conducted; documents such as birth certificates, social security cards and drivers licenses will be gathered; and you will need to complete an application and write an autobiography.  Three letters of reference from non-relatives will need to be sent to the agency as well and you must have a form completed by your physician attesting to your state of health.  Don’t worry, you will be given a form to follow for the autobiography and assistance is available for any questions you may have.   
3. After all of the documentation is on file with the agency, the first of the interviews/home visits will be scheduled by the person who will be doing your home study.  This portion of the process requires that each member of the household be interviewed separately and, when a couple is applying to become adoptive parents, a joint interview is conducted.  At least one of these meetings must take place in the home to ensure that it is a safe and appropriate setting to bring a child into.  During the interviews you will be covering many topics.  Some of them will be related your own up bringing, your relationship with family members, any problems within your marriage you may have had and how you resolved them, and your feelings related to child rearing and discipline.   
4. The home visit primarily serves to ensure that your home meets the State of Maine licensing standards.  This addresses things such as working smoke alarms, safe storage of firearms, poisonous substances and medications, and safe water.  It is not an inspection of your housekeeping standards.  An acceptable level of cleanliness is necessary but some amount of “clutter” is expected and living with children is messy business.   
5. The Birthmother letter and Profile:  This letter can be one of the most difficult parts of the process.  You are writing a letter to someone you don‘t know, and you want to make it the best letter that you have ever written.  You want your letter to standout and be better that anyone else.  Yet what do you write?  We’re will help you with this and will provide some examples of what others have done.  The profile is fun.  You need to gather pictures of yourselves and your home, your family, friends, animals, things you do, etc, and make a picture story.  Again we will be here to help you put it together.   

The First Trimester is complete.  This can take any where from a matter of weeks to a matter of months.  It depends on how long it takes you to get your paper work in and have your interviews.

The Second Trimester

This trimester can feel like the longest one.  What you will be doing now is waiting for the agency to find you a baby and every time the phone rings, you hope it’s that call.  Here are some suggestions for things to do while waiting.

1. Start putting the nursery together (believe me, you won’t have time or the energy once the baby is here).   People may try to discourage you from doing this but that comes from their own fear of adoption.  Why should you be denied the pleasure that biological parents have when getting ready for their baby?  You are expecting, the thing you do not know is when your little one will arrive.   
2. Go shopping for baby things.  You’ll need t-shirts, receiving blankets, cribs, etc.  People usually will not give you a shower until after the baby comes home but you will need some supplies before that.  Again, you may not have any time when he/she arrives to go to shopping.   
3. Find a pediatrician and meet with them. Many of the pediatricians have certain dates that they meet with expectant people, and you fit that category. Sometimes it takes some shopping around to find the best doctor for your baby.   
4. Take parenting classes on “what to expect“.  This will be of great help as you become parents of that new little one. (They do not come with instructions)   
5. Plan that last “kid free” vacation away and enjoy every minute of it, because after that little one comes, your lives will never be the same, they’ll be better.   
6. Read, read, and read books on adoption and child rearing.  Again you will not have time after the baby.   
7. Educate family and friends on what is going to take place so that there are no surprises with sometimes hurtful questions that go with the unknown.  Many people are genuinely curious about adoption.  You are now the pro in this area so you must educate others who are in your life.  

The call has come in and now that you look back it really didn’t take that long, however while waiting, every day seemed like a year. We’ve been there and have done that.

The Third Trimester

The waiting is over, your nerves are really frazzled and they are really going to be tested.  There is a lady out there and she has chosen you, out of many other people to be the parent(s) to her unborn child.  The first question most people ask is why us?  The answer to which, when you think about it, is fate.

Here are some very important steps that will occur during this time.

1. If you are doing open adoption you will need to meet, or speak with the birthmother/parents as soon as possible.  It is really so important to begin that relationship of trust and respect immediately. Nanci and Mary will be here to help you through this time, and both are very experienced in birthparent relationships.  
2. Make sure all of your paper work is in order. If you are doing an out of state adoption, make sure that the papers are ready to go on the interstate compact so that you can bring your baby home as quickly as possible.   
3. Start making travel arrangements if necessary.  
4. Get yours and the babies bag ready to roll.  
5. Check with your insurance carrier to find out what their policies are regarding adoption.  Sometimes they will require written documentation from the Agency stating your intent to adopt.  
6. If you are planning to nurse, make sure you can get clearance from the doctors and have an AIDS test done on you to present to the hospital.  
7. Visit or call the hospital and let them know what will be taking place.  Sometimes you will find that the staff in maternity units can be very unsupportive to you.  Get this straightened out before the birth, so that it is a pleasant experience for all involved.  
8. Call the pediatrician you have selected and let him/her know your adoption due date to set up the first check up or to let them know you would like them to see the baby in the hospital.  
9. Select what type of bottles you want to use and pack the nipples and/ or bottles.  Pack those supplies, along with clothing and the other assorted baby items in the baby bag to take to the hospital.  
10. Call everyone you want to let keep informed and let them know that they are on the “call list” when the baby comes.  Make that “who to call when the baby arrives” list.  If you will be traveling out of the state, it can be helpful to develop a phone tree so you’re not directly responsible for keeping everyone in the loop.  
11. Most importantly, do not let anyone burst your bubble and try to discourage your happiness with horror stories.  Simply say that this is your very special time, and one does not talk about still births to a mother who is nine months pregnant, why must they bring up these stories to you?  We’ve used that line and it always works.  Please do try to remember to remain “cautiously optimistic” until all of the legal requirements are met.  Take a deep breath, you’re about to become a parent.  Get a good night sleep, it will be your last for a very long time!